So much has gone on the past couple of months (and, yes, I promise to address it soon) that lately I feel I’m either completely overwhelmed by everything and, thus, want to just crawl up in bed and stay there. Or I’m completely underwhelmed by everything and, thus, want to just crawl up in bed and stay there. Basically, I’m a big pathetic bum these days, who has to force myself to put on a damn smile and act like I’m okay (it’s definitely a big act these days) and leave my bed/couch.
Honesty moment: I’m trying desperately to make life feel like it did before October 6th. There has to a point where things start to feel like they’re going back uphill instead of just sitting in a pit of crap, but I haven’t hit it yet. If I’m happy…it’s an act. If I’m smiling…it’s through pain and frustration. If I say I’m good…I’m probably lying. But maybe if I act and lie enough, it’ll turn things around and be true?
I am “me” to a fault sometimes though. Even if it’s not to my benefit. I don’t like asking for help. I don’t like admitting weakness (hence, this post is not easy to write). I don’t like admitting I feel like, or am, at a dead end and not sure where to go, or what to do, next. I don’t like having a plan. I don’t like not knowing how to fix things.
Pseudo-apologies for the completely lame post, but I feel like honesty is just as important as being happy. And, let’s be honest, a lot of people struggle with not being happy. Or being depressed. Or tough moments. Or hit a fork in the proverbial road that put them in a spot where they don’t know what to do. I’m there. I’m with you. Logically I am totally aware that things WILL get better. HAVE TO get better. But right now they’re not. And that’s okay, too. And it’s okay to admit that shit sucks and you don’t know what to do or where to go from here.
So to everyone out there feeling like they’re at the bottom of a really big mountain that looks impossible to climb: HUUUUUUUGS! ❤ Because we will get there. We will find our happy again. But until then, go ahead and cuddle up in bed with a funny movie. Or a sad one. Cry a little. Or a lot. And it’s okay, because we’re human and life happens and sometimes we need to wallow in some pain before we swim in some happy.